Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Petrol Holocaust (or...just how far can you go on an empty tank and what dead thing will fuck with you?)

All things considered, my day blew enough yesterday by the time I got off work...but little did I know that it was about to get even worse...oh yes...a lot worse. I get all the way to the bank (pay day yesterday) and due to a big ass misunderstanding, was made to leave and come back...well, brilliant fuck that I am...I didn't bother to put any gas in my tank and, as I left the bank and journeyed home...I ran out of gas on the George W. Bush tollway. After a significant tantrum that would have made Sarah Silverman blush...I hop out of my truck and begin walking...lucky for fucking Matt though...my truck stopped just shy of where the retaining wall butts up against the road...so I had about a foot of space between a 9 ft. wall and the dumbfucks that make up Texas drivers. I was a little miffed and to say the least...fucking terrified. Well, I made it to where the toll booth was and low and behold...I see a dead snake on the "side walk" and think to myself..."I am gonna kick this dead snake..." Why? I have no idea...it was hot and I was tired and drained and wanted to kill something...even if it was already...killed. No sooner does my shoe touch the snake...then it lets me know that not only is it NOT dead...but it's mood was on par with my own and he took a bite of my shoe...as luck would have it...I was wearing my dress shoes from the work day...thick as hell leather that kept my foot safe from the venom of this ill-tempered serpent. Had I been wearing my sneakers...he'd have sank his teeth in...and I have a feeling...that would have sucked....pretty much...REALLY sucked. After taking a giant leap away from that scary piece of shit...I continued on to Wal-Mart to get a gas can and wait for Dave to come to the rescue and take me back to the truck. What's the moral of the story? Things could be worse...or maybe...everything works out in the end? No! The moral is...if you want to abuse a dead snake...find a long stick and make fucking sure it's dead first...or maybe...the moral is...fill your fucking gas tank dumb ass.



Post a Comment

<< Home