Mon dieu, il blesse

In my 35 years, I have been very lucky. No surgeries, no broken bones, no hospital stays...

So a few months ago, I start having this pain in my back between my shoulder blades and to the left (my left) and it's gotten worse, much worse and it's effecting everything in my life.

This pain has caused me to push people away, I've fought with people I've never fought with before, I want to cancel every plan I have and not make any more.

My mood is always bad, not just cranky but REALLY bad, my thoughts are not what they should be, not what a normal, healthy person should be thinking and feeling. Everything feels like hell, like betrayal, like pain.

I can't type which is something that I lived for...the written word. Somehow, the way out of this escapes me and I feel lost and even worse, alone.

I am going downhill. I'm depressed, defensive, upset, angry. I can't sleep, the pain wakes me up many times a night, a few times an hour EVERY night. I want to numb myself, I can't eat. It's so bad sometimes that it effects my sight even. I can't deal with this.

Honestly, what the hell is wrong with me?

(((03)))