L'honnêteté est un tel mot solitaire

Chances are you're being lied to multiple times a day. It happens not only at work and with your friends and family, but in the intimate arena of love and dating, whether it's a first date or someone you are forming an exciting new relationship with.

Imagine this: During a 10-minute conversation, people told an average of two to three lies, and 60 percent of people lied at least once, according to a study conducted by Robert Feldman of the University of Massachusetts.

Telling lies is a normal part of everyday life. People tell small lies to make themselves more likable or to spare other people's feelings.

However, it's when the lying gets out of hand that it becomes harmful to a budding relationship. If someone you are dating repeatedly lies to you for their own personal gain, you need to be aware of it. By becoming a better lie detector, you can prevent others from taking advantage of you, both literally and emotionally.

Here are eight ways to spot a liar:

1. Eyes aflutter. When people lie, their blink rate tends to go up.

2. The eyes have it. Conventional wisdom says that liars don't look you directly in the eye. And sometimes this is the case. However, research shows that practiced liars will actually give you more eye contact than people telling the truth!

3. Frankly, my dear. People who lie often feel the need to draw your attention to their trustworthiness. They may preface statements with words like "honestly," "frankly," and "truthfully." They're also likely to make assertions such as "I would never lie to you" and "I'm not lying."

4. Cool and casual. Most people expect liars to be nervous, but practiced liars know how to act casual while weaving a web. They may have their feet up or be slumped down in a chair as the lies flow.

5. Behind the smile. A liar's smile is different from a truth-teller's smile. According to research, true "enjoyment smiles" are so big and bright that you'll notice a crinkle around the eyes. These authentic smiles last for less than five seconds. The "masking smile," or lie smile, tends to last longer than five seconds, doesn't involve the eyes, has a hint of negative emotion, and may be crooked.

6. Sticking to it. Good liars stick to the true parts of their story as much as possible and insert lies at key points. If you suspect you're being lied to, don't be fooled into thinking that the whole story is true, even if you can confirm that parts of it are true.

7. Derailed by details. Liars often try to divert you from their falsehoods by detailing you to death. They'll get you so bogged down by the minutiae of the story that you lose track of what they're saying or you get tired of listening. Never hesitate to ask for clarification if the story seems confusing or doesn't add up.

8. It's not me, it's you! If you catch someone in a lie, they'll frequently try to turn it back on you. "You must be crazy. I never said that!" or "You must have memory loss because that's not the way it happened."

What do you do when you suspect someone you're dating is repeatedly lying to you? In order to feel more secure in the relationship, let them know that even though the truth can hurt, you want to deal with things honestly and openly. The truth will ultimately be better than losing trust and being devastated by lies.

The more people lie and get away with it, the more lies they tell. Stop the cycle by confronting the lies!

"The truth is the only thing worth having, and, in a civilized life, like ours, where so many risks are removed, facing it is almost the only courageous thing left to do."

~E.V. Lucas

Honesty is such a lonely word
(CP, Ed.D., P.C.C.)