Thursday, November 13, 2008

Gai porte maintenant les bottes de cowboy

Few things in life match the horrible mediocrity of last nights CMA's. For one, they should not be allowed to call the vomit they're putting out "country". This crap is merely other forms of music (none of which are country), played terribly by session musicians and hired hands for scale, then they throw on a banjo or steel guitar and slap the words "country's new rising star" on it and viola! You have instantly forgettable shit with instantly unlikeable people mouthing the words to annoying as hell fans who dish out dollar after dollar for insanely bad "music" all because their "friends" watched CMT and are now under the impression that they should like the musical equivalent of a Mexican wire-hanger-abortion that is known as Rascal Flatts (as seen in the typical "gay-pointing-douche-bags" pose).

Even though the night had it's "worthy" nominations which were few and far between, not once was anyone worthwhile awarded. Instead all the flash in the pan moron bands and artists whose labels have deep enough pockets to push their artist on an even more fake "country radio" were allowed the little glass statues that resemble knives that enter the backs of the actual artist who busted their asses to get to the top and weren't given everything instantly ala Carrie Underwood...WHO BY THE WAY WAS THE TWAT THAT HOSTED THE STUPID FUCKING THING!!! WHO the fuck is listening to this shit?!?

Anyway, I suppose at this point you're wondering why I even watched when it would have been much more entertaining to watch mildew collect on the rim of a toilet. Well it's simple, I was watching because Laura had to watch and I didn't want her to suffer alone. That's that. In the meantime, I'm going through my old post's on TorqueZine from two years ago to find the last post I did on the CMA's... I think I pointed out how gay Rascal Flatts was then too.

I found it! This was a post I did for TorqueZine way back on 11.10.06:

The Gay State of Country Music (brought to you by Old Navy and your local failed rock musicians)

I saw the CMA's the other night and I was stunned at just how gay these country bands have become. I mean to say, what ever happened to country music being about COUNTRY?

Not that I've really been a fan of anything that's come along in the last 15 years but the pretty boys on stage now quite obviously couldn't hack it in rock bands (15 years ago it was the other way around. Remember Drivin' and Cryin?), so they're trying their hand at being "hip" country boys, singing about the same tired cliché like, "I'm a redneck and I am proud of it" or "I love you girl cuz, you have no manners or class".

They all even act the same. Singers now look like someone from "Queer Eye". They all have the same Joe Perry over-done rock stance and look around at each other while playing as if to say "Hey fella's, ain't this fun? remember when we did this in our loser rock band?" FUCK NEW COUNTRY!!! Gay!!!
Gay now wears cowboy boots


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