The Dude Abides

The word "fuck" is said 281 times.
The word "dude" is said around 133 times.
The Dude drinks a total of 9 white russians.

The Dude never actually bowls.

(((03)))

"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

(((03)))

Dance Monkeys, Dance

Thanks to Fathercrow over in Dublin, Ireland for turning me on to this...Finally it would seem that YouTube puts on more than teens fucking about and videos from the 80's. If you can watch this and not think about how insignificant you are, then you truely are a person that I fucking hate. Fuck off monkey.

(((03)))

02.20.05 @ 05:42 P.M.

"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt"

-from the suicide note of Hunter S. Thompson "Football Season is Over"

(((03)))

"...I found myself alone above a raging sea That stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me..."

(RS)

Photo by Brandon Riza

Health & Theory

When it all appears to you,
Then we'll start to fade
Throes upon the stack of all the language we engraved
We're closer to the moon
Close the eyes of space

If it only takes us back enough to save another day

But never demand to fill the soul,
which brings me back to truth
Where the conscience set a stone,
There's a life all alone

If it only makes us laugh enough to brave another day

(EBA)

Photo by Brandon Riza

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

- Henry Drummond

The Sleeper Awakens

Who should call me yesterday after nearly a decade of silence but an old friend (ex-girlfriend to be exact) from Missouri, Ms. Josie Anne Mondragon. Talk about an over due phone call. It's sad that it takes a tragedy to bring people together, but out of tragedy, at least people do come together. I am surprised that the only people I have heard from (other than family) regarding said tragedy is Josie, Erin and Misty (to whom I have not talked in 17+ years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I am so glad to have gotten to talk to Josie. Seems there was things I'd pushed to the back of my head and not thought about in a good long while that she brought back to the surface so, I'm grateful for that. Here's to hoping we will keep in touch this time. (and surprise, she just called :)

(((03)))

Paradise Lost

Denying our restlessness
Frustrations tension eludes
The past was clean
Where thoughts were mild
The present day horrors alive

Slowly passing timeless horrors

Lives within all fear
The mourning in my tears
Drown all the past
We lived beneath these years
Awaiting for the call
For all life to expire
Passive to this day
To infinity we'll fall

The light is dim before us
Shadows appear and fall
A barrage of savage ways
Only the darkness can filter through

(PL:G)

"...what can never be lost is gone..."

(Générique: Marcello/Who Will Take My Dreams Away?/Thème de la Cité Des" - La Cité des Enfants Perdus)

Photo by Brandon Riza

The law and what it costs (in terms of money, sanity and other people's resolve)

What can stress you out more than financial burden...? Having the very idea of that financial burden looming over your head before the day, (thank God I have a cool lawyer). I have been in an unnatural funk (or natural depending on how well you actually know me) for a few weeks now. I knew the day would come after the holidays too and there really is no way to prepare for it. Since my "problem", I've been thinking to myself that I was going to take things day by day and not let it get to me, but alas, it's time and I am all but falling apart.

The good news is that I have a support structure of my family, my very truely great friends and my ever-loving and patient Laura. That's not to say that this is an easy time for me, there have been numerous obsticles and things getting in the way no matter how big or small, but the bottum line is that this would all be even more difficult did I not have the people in my life that I do, and I appreciate you all very VERY much!

It's going to be a difficult year for me, I know this, and just as it always has been, is and ever shall be, villians come out of hiding when you are at your lowest, but heros can come out of the woodworks when things are their bleakest too. Which one am I, which one are you?

(((03)))

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

caveat anno 01.09.07

Anxiety is an unpleasant complex combination of emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nausea, chest pain and/or shortness of breath.

Anxiety is often described as having cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. The cognitive component entails expectation of uncertain danger. Somatically the body prepares the organism to deal with threat (known as an emergency reaction): blood pressure and heart rate are increased, sweating is increased, blood flow to the major muscle groups is increased, and immune and digestive system functions are inhibited. Externally, somatic signs of anxiety may include pale skin, sweating, trembling, and pupillary dilation.

Emotionally, anxiety causes a sense of dread or panic and physically causes nausea, and chills. Behaviorally, both voluntary and involuntary behaviors may arise directed at escaping or avoiding the source of anxiety. These behaviors are frequent and often maladaptive, being most extreme in anxiety disorders.

(Seligman, Walker & Rosenhan, 2001)

(((03)))

"The hero of romance moves in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended: prodigies of courage and endurance, unnatural to us, are natural to him."

(Herman Northrop Frye)

12.31.06 vs. 01.01.07

Givens Compound for New Years.

(((03)))

Cerises Pour un Dîner À Deux

(((03)))

"Transfixed by the inner sound of your promise to be found"

(SS)

Lost

Yesterday I got a call from my little sister that my best friend from Jr. High and High School has commited suicide. I'm not sure of any details at this point other than that this is a horrible thing to happen. My thoughts go out to his sister, mother and father, to his daughter and her mother, to any and all current family and to all the people that knew what an amazing and unique person he was.

Goodbye Michael,

(((03)))

Thank You

...to everyone who has asked about and been supportive of my little brother Daniel, he is home and is getting around (although very slowly) and he hasn't any use of either of his arms. Of course physical therapy is going to hurt and be a very long, drawn-out process...but he's tough...and if I know him...he wouldn't want pity...just your prayers that he is able to see it through with a positive attitide because god knows...it could have been worse. So thanks again and Happy New Year to everyone.

(((03)))