Monday, April 30, 2007

Moron (or...what were the odds I'd get to work just one time without running into one?)

Everyone who knows me knows that I have somewhat of a short fuse when it comes to people. I have a horrible penchant for wanting most of these morons strung up for acting like fuck wads in the face of having to share the world with other people. But, the thing is...I don't know these people. I don't care to, but I don't know what kind of day they had, what kind of life they lead or what someone did to them to make them act like the fucking crap-asses that they are. So...I am sorry...I am sorry for wanting most of you hit in the face with a baseball bat...but let's face it...if you paid even the smallest bit of attention to the fact that there is more than just you in the world...then I wouldn't fucking hate fucking idiot.


Friday, April 27, 2007

Obsession (or...where is it that you think you are going?)

It comes in waves...overtaking me, the compulsion to simply know. My mind radiates the simplicity with which I act before thinking, and effect without remorse for my own indulgence. Only venom will stop it, only when I have forced the hand of others will I truly understand...this is not real life, this is not how it's done...I wonder, can stop before the damage is irreparable?


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

See how this love stays devine, this is the way...step inside


Sick to fucking death (or...what it's like to wake up to this horseshit every day)

Ok, I am not one to wave my own flag of good co-workmanship...but jesus christ, I at least pick up after myself, don't bother other people while they are working and wash my fucking hands after I take a piss. I hold the elevator for more than just attractive women, I hold the door open for people behind me, when I take the last cup of coffee I put another pot on. I sit near the window of our 11th floor office so after the sun stops blaring in, I open the blinds on my side to let sunlight in. When someone is wearing headphones, I don't make them take them out to say something trivial like "I just wanted to say hi..." Fuck the Fuck off you fucking douche...I am working...I didn't put music on as an invitation for you to come bore the fuck out of me with your "I can't think of anything useful to say" bullshit. Wash your fucking hands...clean up after yourself...think before you fucking act, and for god sake...try now and then to recognize that there is more than just fucking you in this goddamn building you thick fuck. Go Die!


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Joseph Preston

Laura's son Garrett picked out a new Betta for me. His name is Joseph (Joe) Preston and he is the brightest blue and full of life. It's nice to have another fish in the house. Thank you very much Garrett and Laura!


Monday, April 23, 2007

Redemtion in the form of what was just about never seen (or...why I was impressed with Night's newest)

M. Night Shyamalan impressed me with The Sixth Sense, slayed me with Unbreakable, bored me shitless with Signs and I never gave a second thought to The Village (that's how much I hated Signs). So when it came to Lady in the Water, there was only one reason I picked it up...Paul fucking Giamatti. That brilliant mother fucker! (See American Splendor and Sideways!!!) What I was not prepared for was how beautiful and insanely magical Lady in the Water is. The story, the cast, the sheer magnitude of all of them combined. I was taken by this movie and I can't recommend it enough. I hesitate to give any of the story a once over for fear I would do it no justice. This movie has to be viewed to be believed. Very HIGH on my list of brilliant films!!!


Friday, April 20, 2007

Is it true..? Am I like that..? No, not really...

Once again, some interesting stuff from David Zinczenko, my pal.

Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, break-ups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances. Let's face it: some relationships aren't meant to be, so a break-up averts a bigger disaster. So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: Women. Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after break-ups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly. Believe me-I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup:

Men Mask Their Pain
When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey. But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship. Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.

Men Have Fewer Friends
One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel. A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.

Men Hate Starting Over
After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it. While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.

Men Idealize the Dating Game
Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers--it's work. Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.


Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Definition of Tact...and the fact that no one seems to use it anymore.

Tact means what boys and girls? According to it is:

a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

In other words, with tact you can call someone a fucking asshole without looking like a fucking asshole to have pointed it out...yet no one seems to grasp this any more, everyone seems to want to approach everything as a mongoloid swatting flies outside a cave.

Well I tell you what, from now on I am going to fucking let you know you are a fucking asshole...and guess what...? I won't look like a fucking asshole for having pointed it out...and why would that be boys and girls......?


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

R.I.P. The Black Donnellys

Every good thing, everything you enjoy in life, that you look forward to, that makes you smile and makes your day will be taken away from you.

God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh.

02.26.07 - 04.02.07


Don't Cry


Monday, April 16, 2007


As the day goes on and the hours pass, the hurt I've caused is starting to wear on me. My heart is broken and I have no one to blame but myself. I'm struggling to try to move forward knowing that it's what she's asked me to do and what she feels is best for both of us but it is hard to try and come to terms with the end of something that I really wanted to work out. My blame in this is too much to deal with and is making my life seem trivial and stupid. I don't know what to do. I am humbled by this problem. It is all too much, Matt fucked up.

(((03))) V.2

How can hell be worse..?

I have hurt someone I love dearly over something I should have just talked to her about. Instead I made a drunken mess of myself and of our relationship and lost the best thing that ever happened to me. For that I am truely a moron.


Thursday, April 12, 2007


Man, it seems like only yesterday that caveat lector had 1,000 hits. Well, as of yesterday I just had 2,000. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, friends and family, loves and hates and all the wonderful and fucked up things in the world that inspire me daily. A special hello to Father Crow in Ireland, Tinkerbell And Squidge in the UK and to Reel Fanatic from somewhere. Last but not least to Laura Marie Pratt for being the majority of the "wonderful" things...I love you LMA!


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Can cheaters change?...The question is more like...will they?

We'd all like to think that people can make changes, learn to compromise, and make their relationship stronger. Unromantic men can learn to buy a card every once in a while; women who nag can learn to stop themselves at least a few times they see toothpaste in the sink, or whatever it is. But those are small changes. The big changes -- the changes that can make or break a relationship -- are the ones most of us are really concerned about. And perhaps the biggest question of all -- when you consider that 25 percent of men admit to cheating in relationships and about 15 percent of women do -- is this: Can cheaters change? Is cheating an inherent personality trait or a controllable behavioral one? Can a guy -- or gal -- who strays learn to be a house cat?

For these purposes, we'll consider cheating full-on sexual contact -- not only sex, but also its close relatives. (I fully know that 60 percent of men say that even having drinks with an old flame is cheating, 50 percent of men say visiting strip clubs is cheating, and virtually all women say emotional betrayal is worse than physical betrayal. So I know cheating is complicated, but here, we'll go with the traditional "Where did my underwear go?" definition.) The average woman says that the No. 1 reason for divorce is infidelity -- so that indicates to me that for women, their answer is no, cheaters can't change (or if they do, they don't believe he deserves a second chance). After I give you my take, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this very question, because I think your perception of this issue may very well depend, in some major way, on whether you've been burned -- or have done the burning.

Can Cheaters Change? Not a chance!
Once someone crosses the line in the relationship (again, that line being different things to different people, but for argument's sake, we're talking here about the horizontal hora), it's like a seal being broken on a pill bottle. Though some of it may depend on whether it was a drunken fling or an ongoing stealth hookup with someone at work, the fact is that once that trust is compromised, the offender will have a hard time resetting the relationship to its startup condition. Even if the victim accepts the offender back into the relationship, the offender will be likely to stray again -- because he knows he's already gotten away with it once. The bigger picture, really, is the fact that he (we'll assume the cheater is a he; sorry, guys) cheated for a reason -- that something in his current relationship -- for example, one study showed that couples with infidelity issues showed greater dishonesty, arguments about trust, narcissism, and time spent apart -- made him explore other options. And that's ultimately what makes him prone to do it again. But...

Can Cheaters Change? Absolutely!
Just because someone has cheated in one relationship doesn't mean that he's always a cheater in his next relationships -- for the very same reason. In the relationship where he cheated, he was willing to gamble it away. So if he enters a committed relationship where he feels there's much more to lose, there's a less likely chance he'll want to risk it. Does that mean he won't, or that he couldn't succumb to the temptations of the tight-topped bartender? Of course not. Cheating certainly can make some relationships impossible to continue, but some infidels can indeed change -- that is, if he hopes to make other relationships even remotely possible.

(David Zinczenko)'s the thrill of the fight...

If you fail to see this just might find that have made a big mistake. Not only is it the best movie of the Rocky's one of the better movies I've seen in a long while. It was very endearing to see Stallone in his most humble role since I and II. It was also a great romp back to the old days of the films and is a testament to Sylvester's ability and a writer and director. Recommended!


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Demons That Drag Me Down...

Always, known in all my time, A little left of center now
Reflect as I realize,
That all I need is to find the middle pillar path to sit like the sun by a star in the sky and just be.
Sinners, casting stones at me...

Goodbye, sunshine, I've put it out again...sad.
I'm over, personalities, conflicting, I don't need you, or anyone, but me, I'll just be, living my own life.
I feel my glowing center grow, infecting...I feel alive.
Shovel dirt over lime, plant it in myself to sit like a seed under covers of earth and just be Sinners, pointing fingers at me.

Refuse my body, refuse my shadow
Refuse to lead this, refuse to follow
Refuse to feed this, refuse to swallow

I stand, not crawling, not falling down.
I'll bleed, the demons, that drag me down.

(Chad Gray)

New Maps

So I find my self back in the same place I feel I've always been, except a lot fewer of my own directions have lead me back to this same intersection this time. My directions are not flawless...but are not as vague and complicated as the ones I'm getting from other sources. The new maps were designed with patience, with care and with the understanding that any wrong turn along the way can end up getting us lost, confused and frustrated. Still and all, the attention to detail put into it just wasn't enough, and the journey once again has come to a complete stop. Not because I didn't want to keep driving, but because my passenger chose to abandon the trip altogether. So I'm alone...looking for newer directions...trying to avoid shortcuts so as not to keep falling victim to the same outcome over and over again. When will the long haul be done? No one knows...maybe never.


Monday, April 09, 2007

"...I dont want you to give me permission to be with someone else..." she said.


Friday, April 06, 2007

Caveat soror (or...your psuedo sisterhood sickens me)

There was a time in my ex-wife's life when she let her "single" friends detour her from the married life. She's admitted it, I watched it happen, the people with no hope of a relationship of their own, no desire for a family began to take over. I let it happen too. These single couple-haters and emotion killers with their lack of respect for the sanctity of a relationship. Their desire to hoard people at any cost since there is no consequence to them. This is never more prevalent than at the "turning point" of ones own relationship. When there are those that seek to pull one person in a direction they want instead of nurturing the beauty of two people "finding" and "enjoying" one another. What is it like to be an after thought? To be last on the priority list to people who live for the "good time" and never get the "problematic" side of their lonely life exposed? Just will meet someone, fall madly in love with them...and there will be someone or some group of people that will spend the majority of their time making sure that your relationship truly sucks for all it's's not's them. Believe it.


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Simon Props (or...what I would be watching if I lived in the UK)

You've seen him in "Shaun..." (or at least you should have), but many of you don't know about "Spaced". Click the pic for more info or watch episode one here.


Monday, April 02, 2007

"Nothing that is worth doing can be
achieved in a lifetime; therefore we
must be saved by hope. Nothing
which is true or beautiful or good
makes complete sense in any
immediate context of history;
therefore we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can
be accomplished alone; therefore we
must be saved by love."

- Reinhold Niebuhr