Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Pourquoi je ne peux pas être pardonné?

Think about the level of forgiveness you've received as of late and for what the forgiveness was for. Now think about whether you feel you are returning that forgiveness and for what level of infraction you choose to hold a grudge rather than forgive.

" When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

- Catherine Ponder

" Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me."

- Sara Paddison

" I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note--torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one."

- Henry Ward Beecher

" The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

- Mahatma Gandhi

" Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past."

- Unknown
Why can I not be forgiven?

L'invasion des Voleurs de Corps

"Avoid All Duplicates" was written in all caps in between a picture and reflection of Kevin McCarthy right behind the words "To: Matthew" as I stood there ogling the sci-fi/horror legend at a film memorabilia fest in Memphis, fall of '97. Kevin had been instructed not to "customize" his autographs in order to try to accommodate the mass of people in line, but mine, CUSTOMIZED!!! Take that event coordinators! Anyway, that's another story (too be accompanied by the actual autograph), for another time.

Why am I talking about Kevin McCarthy and the warning "Avoid All Duplicates"? Because this past weekend I finally saw the 1978 version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" starring Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright and Leonard Nimoy.

I had of course seen the 1956 version, as well as the 1993 version "Body Snatchers" (with the devastatingly gorgeous, Gabrielle Anwar) but for some reason, probably because I was 6 when it came out, the 1978 version had passed me by in order to make way for more modern tales of horror and Sci-Fi. And, seeing as "Invasion..." is more of a psychological thriller with tinges of horror with a basis in a science fiction concept, I teethed on Clive Barker growing up, and enjoyed having my guts ripped out late at night in the country trying to read "The Damnation Game".

Back to my thought. The 1978 "Invasion..." was brilliant. Donald as the main character, Dr. Matthew Bennell was flawless, Goldblum and Nimoy as pseudo-rivals was the utmost compliment to the lead, and Adams and Cartwright were jaw-droppingly perfect as 70's woman/geek-next-door-you'd-really-like-to-slam hotness, screaming and barely being of any help at all, anti-heroines...BRILLIANT! It also featured a fantastic cameo by none-other than Kevin McCarthy himself which seemed to almost tie the two films together. And, the ending...FORGET ABOUT IT!!!

So the only one I've not seen yet is "The Invasion" which came out last year, but I will, as it has Daniel Craig and he's done no wrong far, along with Jeffrey Wright and Veronica Cartwright, (wonder what role she'll have in this one?). In the mean time, '56 of course ranks highest, followed by '78 and then...well you get the picture. Happy viewing.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Je suis le l'un

I'm the one
I've been here for you all along
I'm the one
Who's shoulder you've been cryin on

Nice guys finish last
No one knows as good as me
We're just good friends
And you come to me for sympathy
You tell me that I'm not your type
But still you call me late at night
Every time he picks a fight
After all he's said and all he's done

He's a total dick
That's the truth and you know I'm right
From everything you say
There's no way he'll ever treat you right
You love a man who treats you wrong
You think you'll change him
But you're wrong
He'll use you, then he'll say so long
After all he's said and all he's done

I'm the one who wants you more than anything
You don't feel the same way
You made it clear to me
But I'll stand my ground and maybe
You'll hear what I've been sayin
After all I've said and all I've done
I'm the one
I'm the One

Monday, January 28, 2008

How to be a Condescending Jerk-Off 101Vol. II: Commenting "anonymously" about us "laughable" Irish-Americans.

Matthew, from who knows where decided to show his bigoted contempt for "Americans who call themselves Irish" and for writers who have opinions. Oh, and did I mention...anonymously?

Matthew said...

Why are you so unnecessarily angry about things? Your family... how far back do you trace before you find they were from Ireland? Have you ever been to Ireland? Do you know that Irish people laugh when they hear Americans call themselves Irish?

Do your and your family's opinions matter? Yeah, they do matter. You have an opinion like everyone else. But this guy makes a valid point and you rip him because he doesn't support your opinion?

Your last paragraph is laughable. You make some claim like you've had some shit in your life because you're Irish-American. Give it up.

Matthew Kim Amyx III said...

Mr. Secret Identity,

I did not "rip" on him for "not supporting my opinion" I ripped on his delivery, but I can see we have yet another "holier-than-thou" type that wants to try to crap on Irish-Americans. "Do you know that Irish people laugh when they hear Americans call themselves Irish?" I'm quoting you directly there, do you speak for all the Irish? Not that it's any of your business, but my family is from Ireland regardless of your "opinion" about how "laughable" you find us calling ourselves Irish, so maybe don't be so fast to jump on the "proper" Irish band-wagon and "rip" on Americans of Irish decent, or maybe just show some balls and don't comment anonymously taking someone's side when you too have missed the point entirely.

In my "laughable" last paragraph, I told people to watch the documentaries and read the books for themselves. I began the last sentence by saying that my comment was "my opinion" for which now two people have "ripped" on me for having. The really "laughable" part is that "Mr. Secret Identity" or "Matthew" does to me EXACTLY what he claims I am doing to the first guy. Seriously! Note that not one of these boys commented on the book or documentary that the post was about. Why am I angry? Take a guess... although you most probably will have trouble with the forming of a relevant, topical thought that doesn't involve "slamming" the Irish in America.

Have a great week, jerk off!


Friday, January 25, 2008

Samedi Cauchemars

"...vous êtes mon dévoyant allume"
Saturday Nightmares "'re my misguiding light"

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bouée de sauvetage

I don't want to question anything
I don't feel that it needs attention

Let's fear fear
Let's bring it near

I can see through your eyes
they're so clear
Through your eyes I feel it
the naked feeling

Let's fear fear
Let's bring it near

Let it go for me to follow
they aren't alone anymore
what you need is not what you are
so let it go and find yourself

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

La vie Après les Gens

Welcome to Planet Earth, Population: 0. I'd been waiting quite a while for the colossal documentary "Life After People" to air on The History Channel and last night was the night. Over two hours long, this ultra-detailed "what if" scenario poses the question, "what would happen if for some reason man vanished from the Earth and everything else stayed?" The details of why this would happen are not explored, and thank goodness, because frankly I can't stand details that are based on curiosity rather than need.

So, slowly we envision the first days, weeks and months of the Earth, sans people. What would happen to domestic pets, to zoo and wild animals, what's going to happen to buildings, homes and landmarks when there is no one there for maintenance and upkeep. The results of which, in the first few months to a year are for the most part that of a natural disaster in many cases.

The really interesting part was when we started getting into 20, 50, 100 years into the eco-system without man. The collapse of giant monuments, bridges and things that as of now seem like they'd last pretty much forever, but we learn that if not for the engineers and workers striving to maintain these things, they wouldn't, in the grand scheme, last all that long.

Animals and their adaptation are touched on, but not really explored all that much. They did spend some time of the loss of records of the existence of man to anything that might come along after us. Let's face it, without us around to keep the records from vanishing, they will be lost, returning to dust and lost forever and ever.

Once they start getting into the thousands of years after us, the Earth is pretty much back to normal, safe and sound and doing well...does Mother Earth give a rip about some Styrofoam here and there? Nope, she cleanses herself of all that we've done to her...because let's face it, we're far worse than the cups, diapers and plain garbage we leave behind...there would be no damage were we not around. Without a pencil, there really is no need for an eraser.
Life After People

Friday, January 18, 2008

De nouveau, nous sommes faits payer notre maladie...

5,100 hits into Caveat lector, I've sometimes forgotten why I created this blog, but now it's time to rectify that. I recently watched a program about panic disorder and agoraphobia...these are things I live with, and while I feel I have made great strides in combating these afflictions, I sometimes feel that people in my life, especially those I am around most often and in some cases, those closest to me do not or cannot understand what it means to suffer from panic disorder. This is especially true if the panic attack effects them in any way or causes them to be inconvenienced. Most often, they take it personally and tend to escalate things from not great to really fucking bad...and then wonder why I have panic attacks.

Panic Disorder is the medical term for a psychiatric condition characterized by recurring panic attacks in combination with significant behavioral change with sometimes ongoing worry about the implications or concern about having other attacks.

Panic Disorder sufferers usually have a series of intense episodes of extreme anxiety, known as panic attacks. These attacks typically last 10 minutes, but can be as short-lived as 1–5 minutes. However, attacks can wax and wane for a period of hours—one panic attack rolling into another. They may vary in intensity and specific symptoms of panic over the duration (i.e. rapid heartbeat, perspiration, dizziness, dyspnea, trembling, psychological experience of uncontrollable fear, etc.). Some individuals deal with these events on a regular basis—sometimes daily or weekly. The outward symptoms of a panic attack often cause negative social experiences (i.e. embarrassment, social stigma, social isolation, etc.). However, experienced sufferers can often have intense panic attacks with very little outward manifestations of the attack occurring. As many as 36% of all individuals with Panic Disorder also have agoraphobia.

I am in the 36%.

While watching the aforementioned program, I was especially drawn toward the topic of when panic attacks started for the people in the documentary. In watching, listening and learning...I was able to narrow down what may have caused the onset of my own...although for 1) I pretty much knew anyway and 2) it's not going to change anything so why should I dwell on it...

One of the things that was mentioned but not really focused on was the fact that so many people get shunned and made fun of or are just plain doubted when it comes to this mental illness and it's effects. Often times if you are the least bit sociable, they will say "you don't have that" thinking they may know better. Others, as mentioned before, want to doubt your affliction because if they broke down and admitted that person in their life has something going on that they can't control, they may have to actually "work" at being there for that person...and that's just a little too much to ask in some cases...especially in romantic situations. Tell people you are addicted to drugs...they will sympathize and try to help you cope, but god help you if it's a mental illness.

I've read blog after blog, case study after case study of how mental illness, due to ignorance and people just thinking "they know better", is mocked, misunderstood and typically made much worse by the very people that a person with a panic disorder needs the most. Relative, Friend, romantic want to help them understand? Talk to them...explain...but don't go in not knowing what to say...describe your situation, but know what you are talking about and be ready to answer questions. They may try to make you feel like you are making excuses...but the ones who love you, REALLY love you, will want to understand and will be there for you. They won't carry you...but they will help you with the burden, and sometimes...that's all you got.

I hope this helps someone...either one of you who suffers from this fucked up illness...or maybe one of you who knows or suspects someone in your life does and find out more...try to be helpful...because a lot of's just feeling like someone understands that can make all the difference in the world.
Once again, we're made to pay for our illness...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Les nuits de lundi sont maintenant parfaites encore...

It's been a while, but finally, Medium is back up and running on NBC which is in my opinion, the only redeemable thing they've done in...well, forever. They trashed The Black Donnellys and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and the season finale of Medium was back in May of 2007. So now, Monday nights are perfect again...Thanks NBC, now don't fucking cancel it! Congratulations to Patricia Arquette for her 2008 "Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama" Golden Globe nomination. That makes 10 nominations she's received for this show alone.
Monday nights are perfect again...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Elle est Si Haute

She's So High

Thursday, January 10, 2008

12.31.07 vs. 01.01.08 (The Givens Compound part III)

Si Vous Etes aussi Bon qu'il Obtient, je Pourrais Me Tuer aussi

Reason and Accountability Confirmed Dead.
X-Chromosome Prime Suspect.

Leave it, and try finding out for yourself rather than having everything spoon-fed to you by the mouth-breathers.

"I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!"

- Melvin Udall
If You're as Good as it Gets, I Might as Well Kill Myself


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Amyxul

I've always had weird dreams, and by weird I mean that I'm pretty sure normal people don't go where I go. But, the last week or more has proven that even I can be outdone in the realm of the surreal.

Dreaming in and out of consciousness, waking, dreaming, waking, between lives in freezing sweat...dreams of abandoned love, of storm-ravaged landscapes and wars fought in secret places. Dirt roads leading to world's end and the universe's as-yet untold histories of races yet to be created. All of these I am in the process of trying to write down and piece together for a collection of short-stories. In the mean time, each night...I'll continue to collect content in hopes that the madness of my dream-filled nights doesn't enter my day.

"Shun, then, the outer hells and stick to the things of your youth."

- Nyarlathotep
(The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath)


Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Parce que j'ai dit que je fais...

Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all i see

You're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend

I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl

Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I really love the things that you do
I'm happy at home
You're my best friend
Because I said I would...

Monday, January 07, 2008

Bon Shelley Du Point!

"Love can only manifest greatness when it is reciprocated"

- Unknown

Thank you Shelley!
Good Point Shelley!

Une pièce avec une vue

Little do they know the boundaries of his wisdom in the solitude of his kingdom...
A room with a view

Friday, January 04, 2008

Ai-t-je manqué un baise rencontrant du café.. ?

Did I miss a fucking meeting about the coffee..?

Oh Lord, how they pray and pray for that happy day...for that HAAAPPPYYY DAAAYYY!!!

A very sad and very funny note at the same time...the series finale of Extras came out on December 16th of 2007 and I finally saw it last evening and can I say, very few shows, much less finale's could ever have been so perfect as this one. Guests that surprised and showed sides of themselves you never really thought you'd see including a supremely funny as hell George Michael (yes, that one) and a typical yet SPOT-FUCKING-ON Gordan Ramsey...and we all know I dig the fuck out of Mr. Ramsey! Ricky Gervais is without question one the most under-rated, dry as fuck actors in my life time with a comic timing that precedes "perfect" and gets there seconds before most comedic actors have even heard what they are about to respond to...but it's not just that...he has heart, a sensibility and emotion that can hurt to watch and also teach all before the blink of an eye. BRILLIANT!!! I'm sad to see this series go, but you've gotta hand it to the Brits and the BBC, they leave you wanting more and don't run a series into the ground. Cheers to Ricky, Stephen Merchant and the cast and crew of Extras on 13 PERFECT episodes and I/we look forward to the next step in your careers.


Thursday, January 03, 2008

L'amour est juste un mensonge, fait vous faire le bleu

"Pain hardens, and great pain hardens greatly, whatever the comforters say, and suffering does not ennoble, though it may occasionally lend a certain rigid dignity of manner to the suffering frame."

- Antonia S. Byatt

"Nothing becomes so offensive so quickly as grief. When fresh it finds someone to console it, but when it becomes chronic, it is ridiculed, and rightly."

- Seneca

"When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left."

- Sufi Epigram

"To be no part of any body, is to be nothing."

- John Donne
Love is just a lie, made to make you blue

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Tout je jamais ai voulu, tout je jamais ai eu besoin de. ici dans mes bras

All I ever wanted, all I ever here in my arms